Monday, January 22, 2007

Monday, in a Nutshell

Well, I survived. It was a bit harrowing there for a while, with the awkwardness and the feeling off-balance, and at some points it looked as though death was imminent, but I persevered, and made it through yet another ridiculous first date.

What? You thought I was talking about the ski trip?

Skiing was great. I actually do remember some of what I learned last season and I have many small things to work on this year, along with one big thing: I'm a neurotic head case. According to Ski Instructor Geoff, the basics are there and what I need most is a lot more practice. According to me, what I need most is a lot more time with Ski Instructor Geoff. Perhaps not wearing skis. Or maybe wearing skis, whatever, it certainly wouldn't be the strangest thing I've encountered lately. Ahem.

There will be A LOT more skiing this year, because Tahoe is so close and because my goal is to be halfway decent by the time the season is over. I want to get to the point where skiing is like riding a bike, and a year or two from now I can hit the slopes feeling a little rusty, but not so out of practice that I'm back at square one. 2007: The Year I Learn to Ski. Also, 2007: Worst Western Ski Season in Recent Memory. I have impeccable timing.

Dear Gods of the Snow,

Please, please, please make it snow. A lot. In the general vicinity of Lake Tahoe would be nice, but I'm not super picky, just someplace accessible from here. If I could impose on you to aim for the weekends, I promise never to complain about winter again.


Someone who can't believe she just requested snow. In mass quantities.

And on that note, here are a few other random requests I have for the world at large. I'm sure they're not listening to me any more than the snow gods are, but it's worth a shot.

Dear Cell Phone Talkers in the Locker Room,

I'm sure that whatever conversation you're having at 7:00 in the morning is very important, otherwise you wouldn't be doing it at that volume and in various states of half-dressed-in-sweaty-gym-clothes. However, might I ask you to please, for the love, refrain from such conversation? For starters, there's the normal rudeness factor of talking on a cell phone in public. But add to it the locker room surroundings and it's just plain weird. I mean, what you do in your bathroom at home is entirely your business, and if that includes prancing around singing "I Feel Pretty" while you towel-dry your hair, more power to ya. But I doubt you'd do that here, so, please, exercise the same good sense and PUT THE PHONE AWAY.


Someone who would like just a tad more privacy while she strips down in front of twenty complete strangers, some of whom don't speak English

Dear Obviously Single Occupant Vehicles in the Carpool Lane Who Zipped Past Me on the Entrance Ramp This Morning,

You must really like your job. I can see where those two minutes could really make a difference in someone's life. TPS reports don't write themselves, you know. Really, I'm happy you've found something so fulfilling. I also hope you enjoy the special ring of Hell designed just for you, wherein drivers are stuck on a one-lane highway behind a loooooong line of traffic, the front of which is a John Deere tractor motoring down the road. A little something to look forward to.


Someone who actually follows the damn rules once in a while

Dear NPR,

Thank you oh so much for lodging "Superfreak" in my head for the entire day. I probably shouldn't complain, since I appreciate 99.93458% of what you broadcast. You're all right. She's all right. That girl's all right with me, yeah.


SEE WHAT I MEAN?????? (super freak, super freak, she's super-freaky...)


At Mon Jan 22, 11:13:00 PM PST, Anonymous danny tripp went to northwestern said...

yeah, you know, spend a lot of time and money becoming a good skier. that'll come in handy... when you're working on the hill... not near tahoe or colorado, and hardly vermont (and certainly without the time or money to get there)... just thought i'd rain (not snow) on your parade.

ps, booooooo bears.

At Tue Jan 23, 07:57:00 AM PST, Anonymous lisa said...

Why is NPR playing Superfreak?

At Wed Jan 24, 06:35:00 PM PST, Anonymous Horrible Warning said...

Lisa stole my question. Yaaaoow.

Also? I feel you on the locker room cell phone talkers. My old office had bathroom cell phone talkers. Ewww.

At Wed Jan 24, 06:37:00 PM PST, Anonymous Horrible Warning said...

Ooh ooh...loved the TPS reference. Awesome movie.

Hate the rule breakers, too. Where is a freakin CHP officer when you freakin need one.

Yeah, I think I'm done now.

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