More Reasons to Question My Sanity (As Though You Need Any)

Thank you all for those lovely, supportive comments. Most days I'm really happy with my life, but some days I just need to kvetch a bit, and I come here to do it. Therefore I feel like I should clarify my position a little bit, and relieve you of the duty to continually reassure me on this front. (Oh, who am I kidding? Please keep reassuring me.)

For starters, I do not particularly want to be married Right This Instant. I am definitely not equipped to care for crying, helpless beings these days, and that extends past husbands all the way to small children. As K pointed out, such a life would seriously deprive me of the freedom to travel, volunteer, campaign, work 60 hours a week, etc. -- none of which I'm currently willing to give up. Rather, it is the uncertainty that kills me. If God would please just send me a little save-the-date postcard, I could quit fretting that it will never happen.

And then there's the fact that I am picky as all get-out. (See samples from the reject pile here, here, here, here, here, and here. And those are just the ones I've blogged about!) As Clueless suggested, I am waiting for my perfect match. (Please note: I did not say I'm waiting for the perfect person. He does not exist. But maybe there is someone who is perfect for me. I'll take him, thank you.) And I may have to wait indefinitely and maybe that perfect match doesn't exist, and that will just have to be ok. If I'm going to end up alone, I would rather not take a detour through couple-dom. I am firm in my conviction that spinsterhood beats marrying the wrong person, both for emotional and financial reasons. There are lots of things I want to spend my money on; a divorce attorney is not one of them!

[As an aside, one of my biggest, most irrational fears is that someday some guy who I do not want to marry is going to propose to me, at Christmas or some such, surrounded by my entire extended family, while we're opening gifts or something. And I am going to have to figure out how exactly to say "um, no thanks" in a delicate yet decisive manner. It will not be fun. It will also be the Christmas no one lets me forget. And every year when the jewelry stores start running their holiday ads with people gathered around the tree and the guy with a sparkly thing in a velvet box, I am reminded of this fear anew. Cease and desist, Zales! Cease and desist! Please let me watch football the way God intended -- filled with ads for beer and pickup trucks and maybe the occasional power tool.]

Finally, and I said this last week but perhaps I didn't focus on it enough, my angst was caused more by the I-don't-fit-in feelings than the I-suck-no-one-will-ever-marry-me feelings. Because, really? I'm pretty awesome. Everyone should want to marry me. Even people I will crushingly reject in front of my entire family, thus ruining a major holiday for the rest of his life and possibly mine.

So. Now that we've dispensed with all the heavy relationship crap I can handle for one day, let me tell you about the other insane ideas my brain has recently come up with.

Numero Uno -- I am cooking a turkey for Thanksgiving. No, I'm not hosting the big event, nor do I have to take anything with me to the meal I am attending. No, I volunteered to cook a turkey for the Thanksgiving dinner sponsored by a local shelter (said shelter is affiliated with the Junior League, so our combined efforts will yield the entire meal). Feed the hungry, be involved in the community, generate some warm fuzzies, yada yada, sounds good in theory but when the heck do I have time to cook a freakin' turkey? I foresee at least one late night this week.

Numero Dos -- I am running a 10K on Thanksgiving. Right. Because apparently I just can't stand to have a day off with nothing to do. Or nothing to do but eat. The race goes right past my house, and I vaguely recall seeing these people last year as I went for my pre-Thanksgiving-dinner jog. I signed up for this 10K on Friday, leaving me exactly five days to train. Excellent staff work, huh? My accelerated "training schedule" consists of a long run Saturday, a day off Sunday, short runs Monday and Tuesday, off Wednesday, then race day. This is not exactly the recommended preparation, and in fact, I made it up myself, but whatever, it'll have to do. I don't think I've actually run six consecutive miles before, but there's a first time for everything, right? I figure it's got to be easier than a 7-mile hike up and down a mountain.

Numero Tres -- I headed back to the salt mines (a.k.a., Banana Republic) last weekend. (See above re: morally opposed to having a day off, ever. Moron.) So in addition to being tired from foregoing sleep to cook the turkey, and sore from all the running this week, I have a lovely day-after-Thanksgiving to look forward to. Hopefully all the crabby people will have left the mall by the time I get there. What do you think the odds are on that one?