They Say Humor Is Just Another Defense Against the Universe. They Lie.

Dear Gods of the iPod Shuffle Setting,

HA! You? Are a riot. Way funnier than all of the other gods with whom I am acquainted, and that's saying something.

Like yesterday, for example? When I spent the afternoon freakingthefuckout over some stupid boy, and then got in the car and turned on my iPod, finally using that little iTrip gadget for its intended purpose for the first time ever? It was SO FUNNY how you selected Til Kingdom Come as the first song for me. NINE HUNDRED AND SIX TITLES IN THERE, AND YOU PICK THAT ONE??? Hi-LAR-ious.

And then? Just in case I wasn't convinced of your comic genius? Next you played The Wallflowers' I Wish I Felt Nothing. Ha! Ha ha ha! I mean, WHAT could be funnier than THAT? Y'all are a scream.

In short, HA. Next time, maybe just conveniently leave a bottle of poison or a dagger for me on the front seat, ok? Thank you.

Love,

Me

PS - Please do not mention this letter to the Gods of the iPod Battery. I think they already have it in for me, and I do not wish to anger them further, as someday I might want to listen to my iPod for more than two hours in a row without having to recharge it. Thanks.