Thursday, August 03, 2006


Things that make me realize I'm actually a grown-up. Shit.
  • Having a compulsive need to clean the house before I left town, including mopping the kitchen and bathroom floors, instead of, say, taking a nap. Or allotting myself more than thirty minutes to pack.
  • Upon discovering I have no jarred spaghetti sauce to go over tonight’s frozen ravioli dinner, I decide to make my own because, really, it's not that difficult. I have the genius idea to toss in a splash (ok, about 3/4 of a cup) of red wine from that half-full bottle that's been sitting on the shelf for a month and probably isn’t worth drinking anymore. Not only does this episode showcase my sophisticated culinary palate and mad kitchen skillz, it makes me realize I opened a bottle of wine and didn't manage to finish it within three hours. Or even three days.
  • I purchased underwear at Target. Underwear that comes in a four-pack. Because I had a $1 off coupon for it. (In all fairness, I was hoping to use the coupon on athletic socks, which are totally ok to buy from Target in some kind of multi-pack, but apparently Hanes doesn't make women's athletic socks, or Target doesn't sell them, or God hates me, because I wandered back and forth between the lingerie department and the hosiery department no fewer than six times looking for some damn socks.)
  • The fact that I have been living without my glasses for ten days now, as they are being outfitted with new lenses, which leaves me with the choice of wearing my super-dry-been-in-too-long-
    already-today-contacts (thus rendering me half-blind), or squinting-as-much-as-possible-but-not-for-too-long-or-I'll-give-
    myself-a-headache (thus rendering me half-sighted). [I kid you not, I'm typing in bold, 28-point font right now, just so I can see the words without having to squint too much. However, I'm going insane with only getting about six words to a line.] I foresee many trips to the LARGE PRINT section of the library in my retirement.

Things that make me question whether I'm really worthy of the aforementioned "grown-up" status.
  • Arriving home from my travels ready to crawl into bed…only to discover that there are no sheets on my bed. (I stripped the bed in my cleaning frenzy but apparently didn't get around to re-making it.) Deciding I'm too tired to deal with it now, I'll just sleep here between the mattress pad and duvet, it won't be so bad. That was three nights ago. The clean sheets are still sitting in the linen closet waiting for me.
  • Realizing that my drink of choice with the frozen-ravioli-and-homemade-spaghetti-sauce-dinner is bright red, fruit punch-flavored Crystal Light. Looks and tastes just like the Kool-Aid we drank by the gallon as kids.
  • The fact that, after deciding that socks weren't in the cards and I would just have to buy some stinkin' underwear, it took me more than ten minutes to settle on a package of underwear. Because I don't like those colors!!! *Stomps foot and huffs.* (Of course, the colors I liked came in "brief cut" two sizes too big. I have my limits, people. Anything that does not contain the word "thong" in the description is not coming home with me, I don't care how valuable of a coupon you sent me.)
  • Corollary: I quite shamelessly mention my choice of unmentionables to the entire Internet. Nice. Perhaps I could pull my skirt up over my head and spin in circles, thereby leaving nothing to the imagination, until my very embarrassed mother pulls me aside and talks to me about the lady-like behavior that is required when we wear a pretty dress to a party.
  • The fact that I'm sitting on my bed, Indian-style, with the laptop perched in my lap to write this. Shortly we'll be singing songs, telling ghost stories and braiding each other's hair.


At Fri Aug 04, 06:32:00 AM PDT, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thong th- th- thon thong

At Fri Aug 04, 07:58:00 AM PDT, Blogger Daily Tragedies said...


At Fri Aug 04, 09:53:00 AM PDT, Anonymous Alan said...

You weren't saying that when you dancing to it, drunk, in some stranger's basement.

At Fri Aug 04, 11:12:00 AM PDT, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Target? You don't shop here?

At Fri Aug 04, 04:01:00 PM PDT, Anonymous kathy said...

Although I could be wrong as it was only told to me by other friends after my wedding...didn't we already cross off the dress over the head spinning in circles thing?? It's all part of not wanting to grow up. I totally understand.


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