Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Because Apparently I Am Under the Impression that Money Grows on Trees

Ugh. I don't know where it all goes, but that loud whooshing you hear? That would be the sound of dollars being sucked - at high velocity - out of my checking account.

I've been searching for a nice black handbag, probably something high quality and, therefore, expensive. In an attempt to be somewhat fiscally responsible, I went to an outlet mall a couple of weeks ago. (You know you're old when your first stop is the Black & Decker store, and you walk in thinking, "Maybe I can get a good deal on a vacuum.")

I came home with thank you notes, Christmas wrapping paper, Valentine's Day gifts, new sunglasses and three black handbags. (Whoosh! Whoosh! Whoosh!) Amazingly enough, no shoes were purchased on this trip (the Nine West store was closed for remodeling), but I did buy a handbag solely because...wait for matches my sunglasses. (Whoosh!)

I used to wonder who, exactly, spends a couple hundred dollars on a handbag.


Apparently I've developed a little bit of an obsession with Coach handbags (whoosh!), the byproduct of which is that I feel the need to refer to them as "handbags" and not the more pedestrian "purses." But, all sixteen handbags/purses still have tags on them, awaiting approval from Accessory Queen Danielle, who is visiting this weekend, yay! The winners will stay; the losers will be returned on our expedition to the outlet mall.

This weekend is also the Official Ski Trip to Tahoe Weekend. Strapping myself to two little strips of fiberglass and hurtling down the side of a mountain? Yeah, that sounds like a good time. If you like death. We'll see how it goes.

And can I just tell you? Skiing is an expensive little hobby. Particularly when the only winter outerwear your own is intended to be worn over a suit. So, yes, there has been much purchasing of ski-related equipment lately. (Whoosh!) And lift tickets, ski lessons, lodging, etc. (Whoosh! Whoosh! Whoosh!)

Do not confuse the sound of me hemorrhaging cash with the sound of me going down the ski hill. The latter will be something like, Whose (bump) stupid (thump) fucking (thud) idea (crunch) was (gaaaaaaaah) this? You know, anything other than Whoosh! But this means I will have satisfied one of the Fundamental Requirements of Living Out West and will forever be able to look down on those Eastern ski slopes with you-call-that-a-mountain? disdain. Hopefully I'll come back with some good stories (bruises), and maybe Danielle can capture my plight on film for you.

My goals for the Official Ski Trip to Tahoe are to (a) not die; (b) spend more time upright than lying sprawled out in the snow on the side of a mountain; and (c) meet a hot French guy, fall in love, get married and move to the Alps where we can ski our little hearts out. I think (a) and (c) are totally achievable. As for (b)? I'm not holding out much hope.


At Wed Feb 15, 12:12:00 PM PST, Anonymous Nothing But Bonfires said...

I think I spent more money on all the fireside hot chocolates I had to drink BECAUSE THE WARM SKI LODGE WAS MORE FUN THAN THE BREAKING LIMBS ON A FREEZING MOUNTAIN when I went snowboarding. Though I did buy a cute pink snowboarding jacket before I went. Almost screeched when they gave me a red snowboard (WHICH TOTALLY DID NOT MATCH!) but managed to hold my shit together. Just about.

At Wed Feb 15, 12:29:00 PM PST, Blogger Daily Tragedies said...

Ohmygod. My list of Things to Worry About had been (1) death on the side of a mountain, skiing and (2) death on the side of a mountain, driving. Now I have to add (3) paying money for skis that don't match my beautifully color-coordinated outfit?!?!?! I'm not sure I can handle this kind of stress, people!!! Somebody, bring me a drink!

I will have to request non-clashing skis. That's the only solution.

At Wed Feb 15, 02:48:00 PM PST, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Have fun! All that I can remember from skiing in Colorado is that I will never, ever do it again. Here's to you coming home in one piece!

At Wed Feb 15, 10:13:00 PM PST, Anonymous Anonymous said...

my money is on you(s) having a net negative cash flow on your return-the-handbags trip. 'cause in some corner of that outlet mall, there's the perfect ____(s) that will tie everything together oh so right.
If you are lucky, the blackjack tables will cushion your crash at the bottom of the slopes. don't worry, the blackjack table will probably be less damaging to your wallet than the trip to the outlets. and who knows, maybe you'll crash into a table with a french dealer. I mean freedom dealer.

At Thu Feb 16, 01:43:00 PM PST, Anonymous Anonymous said...

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At Thu Feb 16, 02:07:00 PM PST, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I do not need meds purchased over the Internet. I can get mine in Anacostia just fine and save on the shipping. Thanks.

I thought about a skiing trip for March but then realized that I do not own one single piece of outerwear that would be a appropriate. I'll just hang out at the lodge.

At Thu Feb 16, 05:32:00 PM PST, Blogger Daily Tragedies said...

Sorry, y'all, I usually catch the I'm-hawking-drugs-over-the-internet comment spam before most of you see it, but today I was not at the top of my game. And, if I delete it now, you'll just wonder what the hell Anonymous was smoking, so I may as well leave it up there for the sake of clarity.

Also, I find it hilarious that the only comment spam I get is from people selling narcotics. Prozac was specifically recommended in one comment. Is it possible that those computers are smart little buggers who've actually been reading the blog and are now making recommendations?

At Thu Feb 16, 09:09:00 PM PST, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i like the camel colour coach bag. And Katherine, I understand your love of the coach purse, I own a blue one:) ~Pia


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