Things Are Better in My Head

Originally written September 22, 2005

I'm in one of those phases--the one where I go on a "boy binge"...going out, meeting everyone I can, for drinks, coffee, dinner. They seem great on paper, fun over e-mail, sound good on the phone. And when I get there, interact with them, size them up...nothing. None of them turn into anything, most often by my choice. Occasionally I score a friend, but that's it. Why, then, do I do this? All that effort, for so little payoff? I think the answer is twofold: (1) I like the attention; and (2) I need the reminder.

The reminder that I really would rather be alone than with the wrong person. And boy are there a lot of "wrong persons" out there! I'm eliminating potential dating partners from the pool of 3 billion men in this world, one wrong person at a time. But, like all binges, this will be limited in duration, and eventually I'll be back to being happy alone again.

Still, all these wrong people help me to see what was right about those that I have dated. That "sparks" count for something. That a gut feeling is enough to go on. That I'm getting closer in real life to the ideal person crafted in my head.

Depressing though it is in the moment, returning home 40 minutes and one drink later, these encounters inspire me, give me hope. Hope that he is out there, somewhere. It's only a matter of time before I meet him.